To Never Have

Denial: It’s a thing we do when we don’t want to admit something to ourselves.

I am in denial.

Since I was young I’ve felt hurt. Misunderstood too. Terrified to admit it. Terrified to be vulnerable only to be told that what I feel is invalid by someone who I thought would want to understand.

Questions that go unanswered because the other person can’t handle answering them. But my mind goes into a never ending cycle. It imagines and creates stories, because my questions went unanswered.

To search for a missing void but not being able to ever find it. It’s missing forever.

Being jealous of others because they have what you don’t. You watch them have something you crave.

The truth is that I’m hurting. The undeniable truth is that I am scared.

I long for acceptance and I long for that void in me to be filled.

But, that void won’t be filled, at least never completely filled. Because they’re gone and they aren’t coming back. And those answers you long for will never be answered.

The soul of my childhood will never be found.

I am in denial

From the mind

-AblogginPerson